I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
