I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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