why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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