plz talk dirty to me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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