Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
