Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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