whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
