I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
