I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
