Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
