I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
