Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
