Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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