I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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