Sacagawea was the original milf.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
