so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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