i just had sex bonerless
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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