Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
