u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I cannot find my penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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