the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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