I just threw up on my dentist
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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