you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
