I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
