I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
