How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
