Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
