My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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