please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
