I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize