y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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