im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
