Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
