My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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