So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We need a shit load of segways right now
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
