i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
