Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Houston, we have a blender
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize