That's when you crack a 10am beer
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Are we still banned from the library?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
