she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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