Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
