He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
