Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He better not be in your backpack
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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