I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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