i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
