It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
