When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize