I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
