hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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