Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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