I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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