This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize