Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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