remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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