Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
