My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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