where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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