Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
