Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
