Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
