She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
