OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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