Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize