the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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