I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
