mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
