I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
