You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
