I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
