Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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