Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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