Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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