when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
